« Winter Wonderland | Main | Christmas List »
December 18, 2006
Fa la la la laaa la la hack, weeze
So, last night Jacob and I went over to the Wachsmuths’ to decorate the Christmas tree. The evening was lovely: a nice candlelight dinner plans to adorn the tree with garland and bobbles of all different shapes and sizes, carols sung by a woodstove. Jacob and I were really having a good time mixing and a mingling with Jacob’s brother Ben, and sister in law, Rachel, when I heard Ben say, “Wow we might want to clear out of this room.” Before Ben could add the word “Now!” Jacob, Mom, Laura, Dad, Worku, Rachel, Ben and I were overcome with hacking coughs. Now, I know I have a tendency to exaggerate but when I say OVERCOME I mean OVERCOME! From what I could see-which wasn’t much due to the tears welling in my eyes-the room was in mass exodus. Garland and ornaments trailing behind in a blizzard of confusion, I nearly ran over Jacob’s mom trying to find the door, as Rachel pulled her little ones from their slumber.
You may be wondering what caused such a commotion. I assure you it was not consumption. However, consumption (the literary name for Tuberculosis) would have been VERY Charles Dickens. He, like all good 19th Century Novelists, loved nothing more than to kill off his characters with a bad case of tuberculosis. Gotta love the Victorians! However, it was not TB. Actually, Ben(Jacob's older brother) had nonchalantly lit Abby’s keychain lighter (Abby is Jacob's younger sister) to discover the keychain lighter was NOT keychain lighter…it was a MACE dispenser! Hack Wheeze! So, friends, if in doubt about keychain accessories this holiday season, assume the worst.
| By Heidi V. | 03:10 PM
Comments
Yikes! I like your comparison of people running out like Victorians. It reminds me of the place in the movie Sense and Sensibility when Marianne gets sick and upon hearing the news Charlotte runs away, shrieking wanting to get her baby out of the house.
I just wanted you to know that I had to look up Charlotte's name. Not quite that familiar with the movie, though it is brilliant, in a melancholy, sad, beautiful sort of brilliance.
Posted by: Neil E. Das at December 19, 2006 10:06 AM
I suppose Jane Austen was pre-Victorian, though, right?
Posted by: Neil E. Das at December 19, 2006 10:07 AM
Thanks Neil! Yes, Jane Austen was pre-Victorian and folks such as Charles Dickens and George Eliot (AKA Mary Anne Evans) were writing in the heart of the period. Oh thinking about such things joys me to the core. Victorian Christmas cheer to all!
P.S. Oscar Wilde was pretty big around the time Dickens was writing...I think?
Posted by: Heidi Vincent at December 19, 2006 10:32 AM
Heidi, what a post! I loved the mental picture of you all realizing in slow-mo that the lighter was in fact MACE, and racing out of the room- but tooooo late.....
I saw it like one of those action movies where the car is about to explode (Sorry, not so Victorian).
Posted by: Heidi H. (the other) at December 20, 2006 09:59 AM
Ah, slow-mo. Yes, very much so!
Posted by: Heidi Vincent at December 20, 2006 10:10 AM
A victorian action movie, now that would be something! Carriage chases with bad guys carriages flipping high into the air and exploding. Only the internal combustion engine was not being widely used so that would make the explosions pretty fake. Yeah, like they're realistic now. And then in the end the movie could slow down and there could be a romantic payoff, perhaps set in a Victorian Christmas. It could be Die Hard meets Dickens or perhaps "Die Harder With Jacob Marley."
Posted by: Neil E. Das at December 20, 2006 10:20 AM
Oh my yes! Heidi H. you may have started something grand here: A FILM IN THE MAKING! If we hope to have a successful film we've gotta do our research. Might I offer this source as a suggestion?
http://www.victorianweb.org/mt/mtov.html
Also, may I suggest that our villain be plagued with this disorder http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Horror_Victorianorum (well along with Tuberculosis…which is what eventually kills him)?
Posted by: Heidi Vincent at December 20, 2006 11:30 AM
I think the hero of your film should be Rev. T.R. Malthus, a simple country priest who struggles to escape from the bloblike miasma of poor people who just keep BREEDING!
Just kidding. Malthus was a jackass.
Instead, your hero should be a too-skinny Victorian Jesuit who writes nature poetry in which pretty naked Greek boys keep showing up, but he's NOT gay, no, not him, he won't flame out like shining from shook foil.
I'm really glad I found this blog. It's refreshing to see your prose style.
Phil
Posted by: phil at December 21, 2006 12:30 AM
Thanks Phil! Welcome back from Egypt. Sounded like a wonderfully strange trip!
Posted by: Heidi Vincent at December 21, 2006 09:12 AM
What a night that was ha!
I love the way u told the tale.
Laura
Posted by: Laura at December 25, 2006 10:41 PM
Yes it was. I was just checking the news and learned that James Brown died yesterday. :(
Posted by: Heidi Vincent at December 26, 2006 03:00 PM